Two MPH Stalker

You walked out of the store minding your business, three bags in hand, and then you felt it: that prickling sensation between your shoulder blades. Somewhere behind you, thirty feet back, a car locked in. Turn signal ticking. Engine barely alive. Creeping at two miles per hour like a heat-seeking missile in a Kohl's parking lot. You didn't speed up. That would be a concession — and you don't concede in a parking lot.

That's the scene this track lives in. The beat opens on a sparse 808 pulse with a metronome tick of a turn signal looping underneath, and the whole thing builds into petty, triumphant rage by the time the hook arrives — chopped with a muffled crackly 「Attention shoppers…」 PA blast sliced rhythmically into the refrain. The narrator's voice is dry, slightly nasal, totally unbothered, narrating every deliberate slow-motion bag-loading maneuver with the kind of calm that can only come from someone who has decided, consciously and permanently, not to hurry. He drops his keys. He texts his cousin Jerome. He calls his mom. He pulls out, then pulls back in. He does all of this on purpose.

The song is a two-and-a-half minute argument that your time is yours, the parking spot will still be there when you're ready, and no amount of turn-signal percussion is going to change that math.

[Verse 1] I just spent forty bucks on groceries I didn't need Three bags, a purse, a six-pack, and a box of weed killer seeds I'm walkin' out the exit and I feel it in my spine That crawlin' sensation — yeah, you locked onto mine Two miles per hour, engine idlin' low Turn signal snappin' like it's some kinda show (tick tick tick tick tick tick) Thirty feet behind me, now it's down to twenty-five Like a slow-motion hawk that spotted something alive You think your patience pressure gonna make me pick it up? Sir, I got nowhere to be and a full thermos cup

[Pre-Hook] So I slowed down. Just a little. Dropped my keys. Right in the middle. Bent down real slow. Checked both pockets. Reorganized my wallet. Reset the clock kid.

[Hook] You waitin'! (you waitin'!) Tick tick tick! (tick tick tick!) I got all day — you ain't movin' me quick! You waitin'! (you waitin'!) Move ya car! (move ya car!) Attention shoppers — this man is going FAR (Attention shoppers — ) (Tick tick tick — ) Yeah, you waitin'!

[Verse 2] Now you pulled so close behind my bumper, barely a hair I can see your dashboard crack — I can see your cup in there I open my trunk and I set my bags down one by one Each bag gets its own zip code before this loading's done First bag: adjusted it. Second bag: rearraaaanged. Third bag: I pulled it out, looked at it, put it back — unchanged You revved it once. I smiled. Took out my phone. Checked the weather for next Thursday. Texted my cousin Jerome. You flashed your lights — I yawned. Stretched both my arms up wide. Called my mom real quick, said "hey, just checking in," stepped inside— Then stepped back out — forgot my receipt. Man I cannot rush a process this complete.

[Outro] (tick... tick... tick... slowing down...) Finally pulled out. Nice and slow. Full stop. Checked mirrors. Let two other cars go. Pulled back in. Needed one more thing. Just kidding. I left. But I didn't rush anything. Next time don't stalk someone in a parking lot, man. We don't owe you a spot. Tick... tick... tick... (PA crackle: Attention shoppers — lane four is open...) Peace.